Picking up on yesterday's post regarding reliability and expectation - today let's explore how it's possible to guarantee reliability for yourself and experience satisfaction in any situation!
When we take actions personally – whether those of others or our own – we give away all of our power to the circumstance that is really out of our control.
Say you expect that your husband to take out the trash Monday night. When he doesn’t, do you get mad? Stop talking to him? Let the trash pile up? Take the trash out yourself (and grumble the whole way, considering whether or not you’ll put a clean bag in the bin or perhaps intentionally omit that step to highlight the forgotten [or ignored] task in hopes of inducing cooperation through guilt)?
Consider why you think your husband should take out the trash and what you are making it mean when he doesn’t. That he is lazy/forgetful/inconsiderate? That he knows you’ll just do it anyway? That he ignores everything you say?
Ask yourself if the objective is to feel seen and heard by your husband OR if it is to have the trash out on time so it will be picked up and the outside bin emptied. And, if it is the latter, if it is worth all the drama of tying the initial objective into this task.
Is there opportunity to create connection or disconnection through this small task? Absolutely. But make sure you are clear that the connection comes not because your husband took out the trash, but because of your thought about it and, in exactly the same way, the disconnection comes not because your husband did not take out the trash but because of your thought about it.